Sucka Fo’ Love

Ahh yess… The age old puzzle that seems to have no solution – or at best a solution so elusive, so intangible, that most capsize at some stage of the attempt at capturing the un-capturable; the healthy and committed form of “adult” relationship.

In the coming months I will share with you some of my personal experiences – both lived and observed during my travels throughout this life that have helped me mold my methods, shape my tactics and hone my woodshed of mental and emotional implements for dealing and coping with such challenges to a razor sharp edge.

These aforementioned experiences have ultimately given me the skill set necessary to face the most treacherous of ill-footed terrain one can ever face – not only the dating world, but the world where men and women must coexist, cohabitate, and see out the last of their days together in unity and in hopes that they will be the exception to the rule – they will be a successful love story.

The key element that eludes most of us when it comes to interpersonal relationships is that it's just not that complicated. Scrape away all the bullshit and fodder and you are oftentimes left with simplicity. One plus one equals two type ish. People over-complicate, over-think, over-stress and in one fell swoop undermine the hope of ever having healthy interaction with their significant other.

It matters not if you are married or dating, into man-on-man (ehhh?) or a lady that enjoys the ladies… HOLLA!

Perhaps you find your comforts in hooves and meaty hindquarters of barnyard animals (send pics but don’t call). Or maybe you’re the old fashioned type for the 2012 – just a lonely boy/girl looking for a lonely boy/girl to romance, copulate and ultimately settle down with. Reguardless of your immediate disposition or preferance, there is someone (or something) out there for all of us.

Knock down that hurdle of confusion in this race against ourselves and keep it simple- I assure you breakthroughs are ahead, should you impliment this tactic.

Anal. You want it, she doesn't – is this the end of the road for you two lovebirds? Oh wait! Maybe it's time to compromise! Yes, finding a common ground between yourself and your partner can ultimately mean the difference between long-term bliss and someone getting their head sawed the eff off. It has been said that one does not have a true agreement until both parties are equally dissatisfied; and that's just it, that is compromise.

Get comfortable with being slightly uncomfortable and give a bit more than you would like to. So, maybe not straight to anal, but perhaps a thumb where no thumb has ever gone before – it's a start and you just might learn something new about yourselves. Perhaps you'll find that you're a freak unleashed and ready to pull out all the stops. Perhaps, via this new experience that you have been so open-minded in trying, your partner discovers that what was once so enticing is no longer of such interest and you both move on to less brown pastures. You learn together, you grow together – all while experiencing new things and earning a greater level of respect and love for one another through the vehicle of compromise!

My man George Michael said “you gotta have faith” – and I couldn't agree more. Faith TO each other and faith IN each other will see you through both the brightest times and the darkest of days. Ultimate physical commitment to your mate is the one thing that, when broken, can never be repaired. No amount of scotch tape and Prada bags will ever mend the laceration that infidelity leaves behind.

Now, when i say faith in each other- both go hand in hand. Many a partner has fallen victim to a lack of faith in their mate; and actions based on that lack of faith have just as often ultimately led to the undoing of that relationship. Stand by your man, stand by your woman, stand behind your shetland pony whatever the case may be, don’t let the double monster rattle the very foundation that your relationship stands upon- faith.

Has your partner ever come through the door after a long day of work with a bouquet of flowers in hand and asked you to pee on them? No matter if you say tomato or you say tomah-to, a mutual respect between yourself and your partner allows you to both call it how you see it and accept the way your significant other sees it as well. When you have a valid foundation of respect with your partner you can accomplish anything together.

Remember that request to get peed on from earlier? To some, and possibly even you, this may seem like a bit of a stretch; however, when tow consenting adults who care for one another more than anything in the world commence to peeing on each other and whatever further acts of sexual depravity they can imagine, they do so without risk of eroding the integrity of their relationship because when you respect someone, you pee on them- that’s love! Now, if you run around peeing on people-that’s some other shit. The crucial element that must be in your modern day relationship wheelhouse if there is ever to be any hope of long-term survival is respect!

My people, my brethren, my constituents – my brothers and sisters of the leaf: in the coming months I will bear all to you in an up front and candid manner. Potentially not meant for prime time. Potentially not meant to be said out loud in ear-shot of your mom. Whatever the case may be, my intention here is to bring light to and make light of the candy cane wonderland of relationships and relations (if you know what I'm sayin' y'all) in an attempt to achieve a higher level of understanding, or simply just an understanding and, in some cases, get someone out of sleeping on the couch for an evening, a week – or even worse. It is my hope that through our meetings here, new doors will be opened, communication and relations may be revitalized (when and where necessary) and perhaps someone will actually get peed on (romantically of course).

My approach may be a bit on the unconventional side, but if you have the intestinal fortitude to look beyond my method of delivery and see my messages for what they are, you will find a good deal of strong advice brimming from the top of my seemingly fiendish rhetoric. We will cover the cornerstones of successful relationship(s); delve into some freakish tales of both the lightweight and hardcore variety. I will find time to conduct a live broadcast in a bubble bath tub via Al Gore's internets (ok, maybe that's too much?) and…maybe, just maybe, we can save someone's relationship by sparking up some conversation, communication and, of course, a little bit of copulation. Until the next…