Do you need to be needed?
Does your internal hunger to help the less-than-capable override every one of your naturally-embedded internal safe guards for self preservation? Can you not help yourself to reach out and enable- to provide shelter, to nourish, to cater and coddle the weaker links in life?
Are you the one that somehow, due to your own core issues, or simple lack if self-respect of feelings of self-worth, impose upon yourself the responsibility to become the caretaker for those that, for whatever reason, will not take care of themselves?
If you are consumed by the overwhelming need and wanton lust to save another that is undoubtedly not worth saving – you, my freind, just might be an individual that I, and many others refer to as none other than…
“Captain Save – A – Ho”
Do you need to be needed?
My dear brothers and sisters of the leaf, in this installment I will delve into the treacherous terrain which is the psychological landscape of a one Captain Save a Ho. I will then identify components of this individual’s behavior and attempt to offer some critical advice for those exhibiting behavior patterns consistent with the save-a-ho complex. My hope is that through my work here we can make a difference in at least one person’s life. I will do my best to expose, both, this phenomenon and those that are victims of no one but themselves, and why it is that they do what they do – save ho’s.
Ho. [h?h] -a derogatory term for a woman – abbreviation for (hooker)
For our purposes: The individual known as the “savee”
Captain. [káp-tin] -an officer ranking in most armies above first lieutenant and below a major.
For our purposes: The individual known as the “saver”
The first order of business is to identify the personality type I am referring to as the ho. Note that I have not affiliated a specific gender to the role of the ho, because in this saga, the ho, my precious little unicorns, is non-gender specific. The ho is the individual – male or female – that seeks a caretaker versus caring for themselves. Also note that I would never be so brazen as to suggest that a person that TRULY needs help or requires a little assistance would be ho-listed.
The ho is the individual – male or female – that seeks a caretaker versus caring for themselves. Also note that I would never be so brazen as to suggest that a person that TRULY needs help or requires a little assistance would be ho-listed. When dealing with the save-a-ho mentality, the ho is an individual that sustains life via the attachment to another person, not unlike a parasite affixes itself to a host. This ho will draw from their host (or Captain) support, advantage, or the like, without giving anything useful or proper in return. Now that the nature of our ho subject has been further expanded upon, let us shift the gears and focus to our Captain.
Oh Captain, my Captain – do you work in the healthcare field? Do you take care of everyone else, and conveniently forget to take care of yourself? Do you have a “partner” that never reaches for their wallet or purse when the check comes at the end of a meal? Have you potentially created a life in which you will not be able to retire when you initially planned due to a ransacked life savings? The individual that is our Captain (host) gives all: mental, emotional and spiritual energy topped-off with two cherries and a thick coat of frosting called “financial support.”
Our Captain is forever investing him or herself into the appeasement of the-black-hole-esque personality of the ho. Never satisfied, never satiated – and surely never employed at a level that this individual could ever dream of making a valid and balanced contribution to the team effort, which any partnership is supposed to be. As my man Rob Base says, “It takes two,” and in this scenario his timeless words could never ring with more truth.
Our Captain seeks out a partner that appears to need saving. Not only will our beloved Captain choose a ho as their life partner, the Captain will undoubtedly continue on with this ho person long past the point that it is rudely apparent that the ho is a detriment to our Captain’s very future. It will be far more likely that some outside life event will have to shake this ho from our Captain’s tree – rather than the Captain shaking lose this filthy vermin known as “the ho” on their own accord.
As with any other form of addiction, the first step in the right direction is acceptance. Captain, you must accept that you are not the savior of the downtrodden – nor are you the champion of the disenfranchised. You are a hard working and life-loving individual that deserves an equal as a partner in the realm of relationships – not a parasite.
Start listening to rap music.
Get in touch with your inner E-40 (don’t go overboard in the beginning, lest you may kill a ho). Study the works of the illustrious Bishop Don “Magic” Juan. Strengthen your pimp hand until, when held above your head with your hand like a knife, this blade of justice becomes the spear tip of your recovery. You don’t simply need to break ho’s, mind you, you need to break the habit of keeping them. Instead of looking for romance on Facebook, hit up “so-and-so” that works (note I said WORKS) in the accounting department, or an old friend that is a self-starter and an entrepreneur.
Adopt a beautiful little Chihuahua and make the dog number one, not your ho. The bond you build with your new furry little friend will strengthen and blossom on a daily basis, and every bit of energy that is focused on your new partner in crime will weaken the tractor beam-like hold the ho has on you. In time walking away from your destructive relationship will not only no longer seem impossible, it will seem impossible not to walk away.
The most difficult step is the first step in a new direction. Choose yourself (and of course your dog) over a ho; it may seem overwhelming now, but trust in the process and you will quickly be able to sever ties, move forward and move on.
In the beginning, there were hunters and there were gatherers. All members of society contributed and carried their own weight or were left behind to perish. Advancements in modern society have brought us a great many luxuries. Luxuries ranging from advancements in medical technologies to methods of travel from short trips, international flights, and even space travel. As a strong cross section of humanity has grown along with these advancements, another segment of humankind has taken the route of the bottom feeder – parasitical life forms that sustain their existence by ho-ing off those that are producers and providers. Rather than do for one’s self, these ho’s seek out a Captain that will have them and commence to being had.
So, when you find yourself reaching in to that wallet for someone that opts out of doing for one’s self, take a minute to reflect on today’s lesson. Find a partner that is truly worthy of your companionship; one with whom you can share the great saga of your romance – not someone whose saga is based on the romancing of time, energy, and most importantly, monetary units from your control to theirs. Captain Save a Ho, it is time to retire those stripes and break the chains of your co-dependent cycle.
Until the next…