Good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good day to all of you, my precious little reprobates, and welcome once again to another installment of my “works”. I have been derelict in my writing duties as of late; although, I am sure my compatriots will bring my written refuse to you with no noticeable delay.
In addition to that admission, I find myself compelled to disclose that just prior to my decision to sit down and expel some of this intellectual swill for you to sift through I wrestled with what, in fact, I was to do with the next few hours of my day. I chose to write; however, I highly considered several other means intended to drum up some form of entertainment for myself as I have been left to my own devices here on this fine afternoon.
#1: The thought did cross the screen of my mental Cineplex of taking a leisurely stroll down to the skid row region of my fair City of the Angels and Lecherously coaxing (or better yet exploiting) one of this city's indigent populous to perform lewd acts of oral pleasure on me whilst I manipulate my own nipples with a flat iron. I would then, of course, proceed to compensate them with 50 United States Cents and a satchel filled to the brim with the half spoiled remnants of perishable grocery items left in my refrigerator (I travel a good deal and my kale and other items continuously go bad before my ability to consume them comes to light).
Or, #2: To sit in the privacy of my own home and once again manipulate myself (do you see the trend setting in??) to images, both still and mobile, on the world wide intra web – more than likely of a one Mr. Al Gore, because as anyone who is anyone knows Al Gore invented the intra web. Hosting a solo tribute to Mr. Gore and the technological advances of the world wide intra web from the safe confines of my private masturbatorium as well as the rabid exploitation of a bum on the streets of downtown Los Angeles were placed on hold to bring to you this next installment of my relationship advice column SUCKA FO LOVE
Why, you ask, would I, Matt Booth aka Swanky White, put it all out there for you to judge, giggle and possibly vomit a bit in your own mouth??? My (unmitigated /ultimate) transparency, as you will find here and, quite frankly, throughout the depth and breadth of my “works” is an example of sheer and unbridled HONESTY. Honesty, one of the pillars of any healthy and successful relationship is the gas in the tank of trust. Without this essential fuel (along with several other key elements) present and in place, the vehicle of your relationship will cease to function and you will be left on the sideline of the highway of love forced to take a ride from some less than pleasant perversion of humanity like myself with whom nobody (and daddy says NOBODY!) Rides fo' free.
Our mission within this body of language is to somehow penetrate (ehhhh) your thought processes in order to illuminate the necessary elements of a stable and healthy adult relationship, explicate how to establish and preserve these elements (God – willing you don't lose your fucking mind doing so) and hopefully to assist you in your mission to make love, to build love and to live out an amazing saga of healthy love and relationship with your lover – or lover(s), if you can dig. Follow me now as we delve into the process…if you dare…
MY NAME IS THUNDERDICK JONES – AND I CAME TO PARTY.
A provocative statement indeed – but let us peel back the layers of callous deceit laid out before us in this statement and examine further. Ok, so my “government (gumment) name” (as members of the hip hop guild of Northern America would say) is not actually “Thunderdick Jones”, although it does roll off the tongue beautifully, no? But here's the thing – I did come to party. If you dissect my previous statement carefully, you will note that the honest portion of my statement (I CAME TO PARTY) is in fact cancelled out by the dishonest portion of my statement (MY NAME IS THUNDERDICK JONES) within the same sentence.
I have laced the truth with lies – or laced lies with truth. Whatever your semantic mixture of choice may be, neither will get the job done, my little philandering monkeys. Only by exorcising honesty with your partner(s) at all times can you build and continue to fortify the transparent foundation of TRUST that any and all relationships desperately need to remain intact. The truth, nothing but the truth and the full truth shall set you free.
HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO SLAP A HO?
Has the urge to defile a young lady (or dude) been at the forefront of your lobes?
What gave you cause for pause my comrade colonel? Was it fear of legal repercussion? Or were you unable to deviate from a respectable course of action with your significant other because you RESPECT them? HA! Yessssssss! Allow the hamster wheel in your mind to spiral out of control with thought – with growth! You might be respectin' a ho right now and you didn't even know! RESPECT – the second crucial element to the mature adult relationship situation!
Should you choose to disrespect your mate – via unwanted scat play or otherwise, you will erode and corrode any hope for long term stability and harmony within the boundaries of your relationship. How can one trust a person that does not respect them in return? How can you expect your partner to respect you blindly as you pelt them with your feces while wearing a World War II era gas mask and chaps? Your partner must know, without a shadow of doubt, that you will tend and care for their heart and hold them high above the rest of the civilian population in importance at all times. A relationship lacking mutual respect between partners is doomed.
I FEEL LIKE MAKIN LOVE
Daddy wants to put some stuff on you that makes you say “Where the hell did THAT come from”? and of course, “What are you doing back there”?? A touch of romance in the sauce-pot that houses your relationship gumbo is the gas in the tank of the love-mobile. Keep your love-mobile running hot, yet clean with no viscosity breakdown in your flux capacitor via use of pure love as the lubrication to both your relations and your relationship. We must observe one crucially important detail here my fancy nipple twisting compatriots – that love alone can never possibly be enough to preserve a healthy functioning adult relationship. The cornerstones of Trust and Respect must be established and preserved – straight out of the gate. Without these two crucial elements your love might as well be the toilet water sampler I delved into at the Rainbow Bar a few weeks back (with my dear friend Montie…hi Montie!!! bwahahahaha).
We must always observe the rules I have outlined for you here within my works as these are some of the laws of relationship life. I simply and most humbly attempt to outline these for you in a language that everyone can easily understand – the language of love. We must also observe that if one was to choose to head out into the night with me and defile one's self alongside BOOFZILLA that maybe, just maybe, you will be getting a shameless plug and shout out in one of the next installments of my WORKS. As a man that is simply trying to keep his penis hard in this cruel and harsh world, I implore you to do the same. Keep your member throbbing by applying some of the lessons learned here within the Sucka fo Love Franchise. You just might find yourself content and settled in a successful, trusting, respect filled and loving adult relationship.
Matt Booth is the mind and CEO behind the 101 Corporation. A merchant of West Coast vibe, his path to world domination has included the creation of the Room 101 line of custom jewelry and, through a partnership with the Camacho family of cigars, the corresponding Room 101 cigar experience. If you've flipped through any reputable fashion magazine or gone to a rock show, you've seen his work on the hands and around the necks of the Room 101 Conspiracy. A roller derby and tattoo enthusiast (though not both simultaneously), his relationship counseling credentials are non-existent other than for having lived it. If you need advice, he will tell you: " "I make writings for you." "
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