Cigars 101

Five MORE Things a Cigar Smoker Should Never, Ever Do…Ever.

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5 MORE Things a Cigar Smoker Should Never, Ever Do… EVER!

By Tommy Zman Zarzecki

Back on October 25, 2015, I wrote what has now become Part 1 of this two-part series in the things that are just flat-out uncool no-no’s for every cigar smoker, young and old alike, both newbies and longtime lovers of leafiness. So, today I give you Part 2 – 5 MORE things I say NO to! Now I just know that YOU are a smart and considerate cigar smoker, so let’s just say that the following list of atrocities is aimed at someone you might have known in your smoking circles. So, next time, instead of smashing them in the forehead with a bottle of expensive hootch, just pass along my scholarly advice found below.

 

cigars smokers do's and don'ts 1 Don't dip the head of your cigar in brandy, cognac, wine, etc

I get asked this one by newbies and tobacco neophytes all the time and the answer is simple… STOP RIGHT NOW… put down that damned cigar and back away from your drink. Now, unless your mission is to completely [email protected]#k up a nice premium cigar, then by all means, just go and submerge the head of your stick into a glass of that libation. That’s right, dunk it a good inch or two so the alcohol soaks up into the leaf as it becomes so sopping wet that you’ll never be able to draw a puff from that puro again. For God’s sake… just drink the drink and puff the cigar like you’re supposed to because you will receive a rousing whack in the back of the dome if I catch you doing this egregious act of cigar ruining.

 

cigar smokers do's and don'ts Do NOT Put Out Your Cigar Like You’re Smooshing a Cigarette.

I see a lot of guys do this and it’s annoying for everyone. Somebody smashes the lit butt of their cigar into an ashtray as thick charry smoke bellows into the atmosphere causing blurred vision and a smoldering, stinking mess that can last for several ungodly minutes. THAT is a no-no, people. Now if you’re a smart and experienced cigar smoker, of course you know this already. But if you happen to actually perform this rude act of ridiculousness, or know someone who does, it’s time to put an end to the shenanigans. The proper technique is to simply rest the cigar in your ashtray and let it extinguish all by itself. Wow, that was hard and took all kinds of mental and physical effort, didn’t it?

 

cigar smokers do's and don'ts Don’t Pinch the Head & Foot of Every Damned Cigar in the Walk-In Humidor & Then Run It Under Your Nose.

This isn’t just a matter of etiquette, it’s a matter of not being an inconsiderate disease spreading jackwagon. While there are several things that rightfully piss a cigar store owner off, this act of idiocy ranks pretty high on the naughty list. Okay, giving a quick pinch to a stick or two to check for freshness is acceptable as is taking a quick sniff of the foot. But some brutally inconsiderate knuckleheads will feel up every damned cigar in the humidor like a raging tobacco pervert. And then there are those who not only shove the foot half way up their sinus cavity, but they also run their grimy proboscis up and down the cigar lengthwise while spreading typhoid throughout the store – all while putting each infected stick back into the box. If you see this happening, either let the shopkeeper know about it or light the inconsiderate turd’s Montecristo while it’s stuck in his nose.

 

Cigar Smokers do's and don'ts Don’t Ever Be a Hateful Snob & Look Down Upon What Someone Else is Smoking.

While snobs of all shapes and sizes are annoying, cigar snobs are truly a despicable lot. Here’s my beef… a lot of guys are on fixed budgets and incomes and just don’t have the funds to purchase higher end cigars. Many of my friends buy bundled smokes and if that’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me; I mean, they are enjoying their love for cigars and that’s all that matters. But recently, a friend offered one of his bundled sticks to some high-brow prick at a cigar bar and the guy basically acted as if my buddy shoved a German Shepherd scat into his face. I’ve also heard guys making fun of another smoker’s choice, and just listening to indignant gas bags like this really frosts my onions. This is truly a matter of to “each his own” and really, why should anybody care what cigar a man smokes. If you only smoke Cubans, Opus or Padron 1926, that’s awesome…just please be mindful that the average Joe eats hot wings instead of caviar.

 

Cigar smokers do's and don'ts Don’t Make a Mess with Your Butts.

Okay, I know this just sounds like plain old common sense but leaving butts and ashes around without disposing of them is just another reason to make the Smoke Nazi crowd hate us even more. Often when I play golf I’ll find stogie butts tossed in the fairway or off to the side at tee boxes and around the green. I once took a shot from the sand trap and some moron actually buried his stick under the sand and I whacked that with my wedge! Sometimes I’ll find them resting on a wall or a bench and I think to myself, why give the haters anymore ammunition. Like I said, it’s just common sense… make sure it’s extinguished and disposed properly.

So, what are your thoughts on the above mentioned no-no’s and what are some of the things that drive you batty? Share with me in the comment section below!

 

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Les Peterson
6 years ago

These, along with your first “tips” should be hung in each and every humdor through out the country—-Not that the ‘elite’ few in each catagory would not interpret that these rules are for other people…not for them!!!

David Henderson
6 years ago

100% accurate and well put.

Vic Medina
6 years ago

10-4… let there be no un-Godly minutes in our midst!

Richard Lubbers
6 years ago

And never, ever, call a sailor a pussy, especially when the race can be lethal. Yeah Tommy, it’s me.

Brian Gifford
6 years ago

There is a certain cigar shop in Tampa, FL, every time I went in the turd behind me he counter would ask me if I wanted my cigar dipped in brandy. NOT NO but HELL NO!!!

Peter Kilroy
6 years ago

So I ask the question, how does one dispose of a cigar when outside and there is no ash tray available short of burying the in my wifes garden ?

Will Wolfert
6 years ago

Get a golf course 2fer. Find a divot some hacker didn’t replace or repair. Place your cigar in this little burial plot, minus the band of course, then cover with sand mix. Safe disposal and divot repair accomplished.

H Jack McCunn Jr
6 years ago

I read about a Native American prayer ceremony where tobacco is offered to the 4 directions, Mother Earth and Father Sky. So, when outside I let it cool, break it into 6 small pieces and share it with the ‘spirit’ of the place.

Robert Daly
6 years ago

Good read

Ty Hunter
6 years ago

Good common courtesy rules.

Michael Smith
6 years ago

If I`m out and done with my cigar I simply stick my thumb nails in the end where my mouth was and tear it in half long ways. There is no paper in a cigar and I fling it so it comes apart, it`s all leaves and there on the ground anyway. I would challange you to find a trace, you just cant tell it was a cigar.

Tim Shields
6 years ago

Nice info! Thxs my butts go in the garden for compost or my wine grapes! Trying to impart so cigar notes intone wine. Lol

Jeff Winkler
6 years ago

Edicate is the expierience.

Carl Hanlon
6 years ago

Great….now if everyone would put these into practice…

D Bear Allen
6 years ago

Very well said. I especially hate seeing butts on the ground outside of the B&M when there are ashtrays all around the place.

Kirk Harrington
6 years ago

I’m a budget smoker. Typically, my sticks are less than $6 per. I love high end smokes but I’m a single father raising a teen daughter and bass lessons come first. I’m a polite smoker in public. And before I fire up my budget friendly stick, if my daughter is present I will ask her if she minds if I smoke. There is never a butt left out at the end and I do not smoke inside our tiny apartment because I find it distasteful enough that my Seattle weed friendly neighbors keep the place smelling like a distribution house. I certainly don’t want to pile on. Little kids are everywhere in the building. We are a bit short on good role models here.

Sam A Vecchio Jr
6 years ago

Thank you Sen Sai.

Larry Winget
6 years ago

Great advice to the asshats who do not understand these basics. I was in a humidor last week and watched a guy squeeze a cigar and rub it under his nose and turn to me and say, “I don’t much like the feel of this one.” I said, “And neither will anyone else since you ruined the cigar, plus rubbed your nasty nose on it. Plus, someone is going to put this in their mouth.” I picked the runied cigar with the busted shoulder up and walked it to the register and said, “That guy ruined this cigar and wiped his nose on it.” I then paid for mine and went to the bar. I needed a drink. By the way, no one messes with you if they think you’re crazy. I like that part of being me.

Jim W Boyle
6 years ago

Excellent, also read part one !!
I was guilty of #2 once upon a time but have since learned and educated some of my friends that are newer enthusiasts !! We are working stiffs and buy budget but meet once a month at one of the local shops and smoke and drink some premium offerings !!

Emanuel Manny Stamathis
6 years ago

Her’s another one, have oral sex with the cigar then proceed to cut it with a community cutter!!! This is rude inconsiderate and gross as most of the other 5 above are just bad form.

Jeff Laugtug
6 years ago

Tommy, before I started really enjoying cigars, these “Don’t Do’s” are what I call just plain old common sense curiosity. Even before I started having a nice cigar, I could never figure out why do so many cigar smoking wannabes try to take in the aroma by smelling the cigar thru the cellophane. What are they trying to do, besides trying to show off their knowledge, or lack there of, trying to be a wannabe aficionado?? Thanks for posting this list. So many of us know them, but the way you say on paper is pure poetry. Thanks again Tommy.

William Lewis
6 years ago

While in the Marshall Islands I would order my Cuban Cigars from Spain which worked out at $16,00 to $17.00 each for a Cohiba Siglo III, in a box of 25, the same cigar they charge $50.00 (Canadian) for in Victoria, B.C., we would sit on the deck overlooking the pier and watch the sun go down while sipping some 12 year old Jameson whiskey, life was good then!!
Thanks for the Five Rules, I do try not the upset the Smoke Nazi group!

Alexander Cunningham
6 years ago

Absolutely brilliant! #3 made me laugh out loud, much to my wife’s concern. Thanks for great start to the weekend.

Ron Doesn
6 years ago

Great read!!! Very well written piece.

John Blechar
6 years ago

Here is one that drives me nutty. At a herf, don’t be the ass**** that takes a cigar from everyone but never has any of his own to share. Grrrrr.

35YRS-OLDSKOOL
2 years ago

LOL. WHAT BULLSHIT.

Tommy Zman Zarzecki

Tommy Zman Zarzecki

Editor-at-Large

Tommy Zman, is an obsessive enjoyer of life’s leafy pleasures. Growing up in the bowels of northern New Jersey, parented by an eccentric Polish father and a neurotic Italian mother, what else could this man possibly be other than a humorist? ZMan’s a real throwback to a time when men were kings of the castle and smoking a cigar in public didn’t label you an outcast and a pariah. He’s an old–school down to earth guy - but when it comes to p.c. tyranny and nanny-state legislature, he’ll draw his sword and swing for the fences. Tommy gathered a faithful following as a longtime feature writer at Cigar Magazine, and his testosterone laden FaceBook community, CROMAG NATION™ is truly the last great bastion for Men’s Men.

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